We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
