the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
