he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
