My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
