She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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