I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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