My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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