i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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