Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
