I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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