I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You made out with two different species that night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
