im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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