I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
