So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize