go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
