I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wish there were birth control emojis
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
