Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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