when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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