After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
