My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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