every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
