Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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