He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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