all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
