I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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