take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
