i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
