morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
