you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
