youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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