The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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