She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
