I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This baby is an asshole
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
