We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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