There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
