someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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