I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
