i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
