She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
