I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
