OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
