Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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