happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
