he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
