you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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