i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
