I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
