Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
