these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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