Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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