Even the bartender felt bad for me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
