Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
