Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
