I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize