remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
