After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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