i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
