I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
