I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
