I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I died a long time ago.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
