Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
