i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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