im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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