I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
