well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
