Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize